Wednesday, October 9, 2013

It Is Okay! (What Us Women Need to Hear)

*This is not a post to bash on my children or to just complain for no reason and cry "woe is me." No, this is a post to let Women out their know that I, too, have bad, horrible days just like they have and that they are not alone. A post to make people more aware of how one-sided Facebook is and that we can't compare our failures to people's successes, because I know many women who do that, Moms and Wives. This is a post of honesty and one day, maybe even tonight, I might be able to laugh at how comical this horrendous day was. Please do not judge me as I promise not to judge you.
I haven't written in a while because I have been going through some rough times being a Mom and being a Wife and the only reason I have allowed these times to be so rough is because I look at Facebook at judge all the things people POST to what my whole life IS. They don't post their whole lives and yet I compare my whole life to their infrequent posts.

Nobody is perfect but that is so hard to understand when all you see is how "perfect" their life is and how sweet their kids are. I am guilty of posting such things, too, because when those miraculous moments happen I feel the need to share stand on the rooftop and shout it at the top of my lungs that I FINALLY succeeded in having a tender moment with my 2.5 year old. That she finally said something sweet instead of sushing me when she knows she is about to get in trouble.

This all came about today because I was at my wit's end and it was barely Noon. It started with Tatum asking for a sandwich for breakfast, so I made her a sandwich. After 2 bites she decided she didn't want a sandwich, she wanted Cheerios. I don't usually like to make separate things and let her think she gets to change her mind all the time but I was desperate for her to eat so she would have a full tummy and be good while shopping. So I made a bowl of Cheerios and she ate two bites and decided she didn't want that but that she wanted a cup of milk. I explained that she needed to eat some more bites before I could give her the  milk. This led to a tantrum and I explained if she didn't calm down that she would have to go lay down until she could be happy. So she decided she wanted to lay down. As I pulled her away from the table to get her out of her seat she screamed that she wanted to eat her Cheerios instead. So I pushed her up to her bowl of Cheerios when all of a sudden she wants to go lay down after all. I pull her back from the table, again, and she screams that she wants Cheerios. I stuck to my guns and said "sorry, you picked to lay down so you are going to lay down until you can decide to be happy." She laid in her bed and screamed for 20 minutes until I went in to talk to her. She decided to be happy and to eat her Cheerios. At the table she ate about half of her Cheerios and then decided to throw the rest on the floor. Trying to have her pick them up was even more difficult because she is 2.5 and has her own attitude and personality and she decides if she wants to behave, just like the rest of us do at all times throughout the day.

After that, we go into my room to finish combing our hair and brushing our teeth. I get Tatum ready and set her down and start brushing my teeth only to see her poking Aubry's eyes. I walk over and tell her to stop and that that isn't nice and go back to my bathroom sink. I look over again and she is poking Aubry's eyes out AGAIN and so I send her to timeout. Well, in timeout she doesn't want to behave and sit as she should (cuz heck, why not, she's two and a half and is learning how to exert her own independence) and so she gets even more time in timeout to think about what she is doing. It was just a mess. I finally finish brushing my teeth and then I go talk to Tatum about how this whole situation isn't okay, that you can't poke people's eyes and you can't leave timeout just because you don't want to be there. We both say our apologies and then head off to the car to go grocery shopping.

We go to Costco because they have 2-seater shopping carts and that is about all I can handle when I go alone. During our trip to Costco Tatum decides it would be fun to whack her head against Aubry's head even though I have told her three times now that that is not acceptable. She then decides to pull Aubry's hair and then dump out my whole diaper bag and then bite Aubry's finger so hard she left deep indents. Poor Aubry did nothing wrong this whole time...she just sat their looking cute and acted as the punching bag for Tatum. I reached my limit when I was standing in line to order some easy hotdogs for lunch and I started bawling. Everyone kept looking at my two cute girls and just couldn't stop complimenting me for how cute they were and how perfect their hair was and how well behaved they were...but they didn't see them 5 minutes ago when my littlest one was screaming bloody murder because I turned my head to look at something and Tatum decided to bite her finger. They didn't see me telling my oldest NO time and time again for reaching around to the basket of the cart and pulling things out and throwing them on the ground. I was exhausted and just didn't want to be there. I cried. I walked out of the line for food and just left. I went out to the car sobbing, with tears streaming down my cheeks, feeling as though I had failed. What the heck did I do wrong?? Everyone saw these beautiful girls and loved them but I was frustrated. My littlest one got picked on and my oldest wouldn't listen to me. She wouldn't. She would SHUSH me when I would give her "the look" right before I would tell her to stop...she would shush me. WHAT THE HECK!?!

After loading everything into the car I sat in my seat with my eyes closed and cried. What did I do wrong? Do I not parent correctly? Have I let my children run all over me? Have I failed? So-and-so on Facebook always talks about how she had these Love and Logic experiences with her kids and they GOT IT. They understood the lesson and behaved. What did I do wrong? I can't do this alone? I am a horrible Mom and Wife if I have to always ask family to watch my girls so I can run errands. I shouldn't need help if I am a successful Mom and Wife because everyone else doesn't need help (or so I think).

All this goes through my head and I then realize it is because of Facebook. Facebook is where we brag about the good times...heck, I'm guilty of it too. I feel the need to brag about the good times because they don't happen near as often as I would like and I am too ashamed to write about all my difficult days for all of Facebook to see....for all my friends with their perfect 2 year olds and their perfect marriages and all their perfectness to see how today was just not one of my days.

Guess what! Shame on me for feeling that way and shame on you if you have felt that way too. I swallowed my pride and called my friend, who uses Love and Logic to teach her kids, and asked her how the heck she does it. Her two boys are 15 months apart and I just don't see her fail because on Facebook she, too, boasts about the good times because that is all she has to live She talked me through my day and helped me realize that she, too, has HORRIBLE days where she cries and feels overwhelmed and feels as though she has failed. She helped me see that THIS IS NORMAL. My oldest is just learning and although she needs to learn I can't just let her walk all over me or she will never respect me as a Mom. She helped me realize that it is okay to have these days and that tomorrow is a new day. Even better is that I helped this friend of mine realize that SHE isn't alone either. She thought that I was the sweetest Mother who had a sweet daughter that obeyed. Yes, my daughter is sweet at times but she also likes to disobey at times. My friend thanked me for opening up to her and asking for her help when really I felt like saying thank you to her (which I did do) and now we both know we are not alone and that we both don't suck at being Moms.

It is okay to open up and ask for help and to say that today was rough and how you look forward to bedtime. It is okay to cry and sometimes crying helps you to get over the situation. It is okay. All of this is okay. It is okay to admit that you may not have acted the best way and that your kids "won" sometimes. We are all human and imperfect and we are all learning still and we just need to take our lives one day at a time. We need to band together and help one another out so that we don't suffer in silence and feel so alone.

Today was not my best day. It just wasn't. I cried at Costco in front of a whole ton of people. I let it out and I didn't care what they thought because I knew I would never see them again. But at the same time I was afraid to cry on Facebook because I didn't want my "friends" to judge me when maybe someone else having a rough day needed to see that I wasn't perfect either. I am, crying on my blog, for the whole world to see... but that is OKAY! (I think that will go on my mirror..."IT IS OKAY") Not every day will be like this. Tomorrow will be a new day.